If the feedback is honest, understandable, from trustful person who knows your history and values it can make your mind shine for the brighter future with gratitude.
How to get such feedback?
We meet with feedback everyday. In work on how to improve your project, with your spouse on how to be emphatic or with your mentoring skills with your students.
Feedback is great! You can improve your weak points and make them stronger.
The longer you know the person, the better feedback can get (and give). You know his or her weak points, traumas, know the language they understand and - the most important thing when it comes to learning - have a trust bond.
To take the best out of the feedback, we have to compare it - before and after.
Thing is, we can barely process present moment and reflecting the past isn't much better. Do you know who you were a month back? A year back?
And do you know it or do you imagine it?
How do you know you made a progress?
But more important, how can you really appreciate yourself for making it through.
Putting these question together, I get the best feedback when:
- I get it from the person, who knows me the longest
- I actually feel his or her feelings while giving the feedback
Sounds like futuristic empath skills?
Your spouse? Your sister or brother or your partners?
Actually everyone can do it themselves. You can do it right now.
This is what I do for past 10 years and I'm very happy to share this little hack with you.
I write every 6 months (at least) with letter arrival a 1 year in the future. If I write today, the letter would arrive October 8th, 2018.
Usually I describe the present moment:
- How is work doing?
- How are my relations?
- My girlfriend and family?
- Where I live?
- What I'm afraid off?
- What I'm dealing with?
- What I want to be different in 1 year from now?
It can look like this:
That nothing is permanent. Nor success, nor joy, nor pain, nor ideas about the world I'm living in.
That when I feel something is impossible or difficult or the best way to do it, it is in the present I'm just in. Nothing more.
That I change a lot from year to year (for good ;)), even though I don't move at all before writing these.
I don't use any local postal service nor home made box for this.
There is futureme.org for this:
You can start with one and if you'll like it, you can get more. That's what I did :)
The other interesting thing you can do is read public letter by other people. There are some very moving honest confessions, like alcoholism or domestic violence, from both sides.